Moments with Strangers | Song: Be More Kind |

Friends,

I'm packing for Hawaii. A little accidental vacation as my friend Libby Berman is being ordained the Episcopal Bishop of Hawai'i. I'm a little frantic to get everything done--kind of the racing to get to the resting part of life.

Today's writing is based on a sermon by Justine Sullivan "How to Find Hope" at First Parish in Berlin, MA. I think the hope is a little bigger than I'd imagined at this point, and that is good news.

-Elizabeth

Connect to Someone You Don't Know

When I was in college I was seriously depressed. I remember a day out walking, ruminating. I was in the rut of circular thinking, turning over in my mind all the hopelessness of my life. Our campus had big open fields lined with paths far from the bustle of the dorms and classrooms. On one of those paths I passed another walker.

"It can't be that bad" he said to me.

Those were not the perfect words to say. In many ways those words were no help at all. Except that simply by speaking, by interrupting my isolation, he also interrupted my despair. I don't remember how I responded and I don't know anything about him. There was no miraculous connection made.

And yet, it mattered. This less than well-done human contact made a difference. It did not cure my struggles, but it improved that moment. In our divided world, to communicate with a human we don't know is a radical act of hope for the future.

I grew up in an age where children were taught of "stranger danger." The idea was to prevent kidnaping and assaults by teaching us to stay away from people who act strangely. It was an awful, harmful, idea.

First because almost all kidnapping and sexual assaults are done by people know to us. It is parents, uncles, siblings, and neighbors who hurt people. Not all of them, not most of them, but harm is rarely caused by strangers. And the side affect is that we've taught ourselves to be afraid of strangers. We've created a world where separation is the norm, and is a boundary that is hard to overcome.

Jesus teaches us to be not afraid and in our culture this is a radical choice.

Part of the effort to deny fear is about getting to know people who are different from us, but today I am suggesting something much simpler. We improve our own lives, and that of others, with the simplest of connections. Say "hi" as you pass someone by. Make eye contact as you choose a seat on the bus. Give encouraging smiles and simple compliments to random strangers. "Nice hat" and "great work" and "getting your work done, I see" are seldom the perfect words, and yet still work for making a connection. Ask which candy is best in the grocery store line. Ask where are the potatoes.

I grew up with a father who always started conversations in lines. He was from California. When my husband, from Montana, turned out to do the same, I attributed this strange behavior to "people from the west." But now, rather than stick to my New England proper silence, I wonder how to adopt their behavior.

Connections make a difference in the moment, and they make a difference to culture of our community. The social graces of please and thank you and excuse me, and even of holding the door, these make a connection. Going beyond this just a bit with small connections and comments of ordinary living help us to remember the humanness of each person. It helps us presume the best of others.

If you want to get really wild, you could find out the name of neighbor. You could borrow a cup of sugar, and return it with zucchini bread. You could offer a high five or tip your hat.

It need not be the perfect action, simply some action, some words that make the connection. Our hope is in each other. Our connection to the divine is in each other.

What is your church doing, or thinking about doing these days? How are you being here in your particular place? Just reply to this email to let me know what's happening. ​
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Greater Good Magazine with an article showing the science that supports Pastor Justine's message.

Frank Turner, a folk/punk singer/songer writer, suggests we should Be More Kind. (4:08)

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