Song: Forgiveness | Strategies for Conflict in Church |

Friends,

Do you ever make nonsense out of sense? I was reading lyrics for this post and found a Catie Curtis song on forgiveness. It was really meaningful, with an opening and musical break all about "esus". I mean, who is Jesus without the J? I really liked it.

Until I figured out that it was a chord chart. It was just saying to play a suspended E chord. No deep Jesus meaning. LOL.

-Liz

Let it Go!

It is possible to read Matthew 18:21:25 as making three different
points: first a strategy for dealing with disagreements, then a
statement that God is with us whenever we with other people, and then keep on forgiving even when you are exasperated. I mostly quote the "whenever two or three are gathered" independent of the others, and I mostly preach on forgiving seventy-seven times.
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Today I'm looking at it all as one story. I think it gives us a way to move away from the binary questions: do I forgive or not forgive? am I forgiven or not forgiven? The single story offers possibilities about listening, understanding, and possibly reconciling. These might lead to forgiveness, they might not. Maybe we'll just let go.

Here is the story: the disciples perhaps have had a disagreement about something. Whose turn it is to clean up. Who gets the best seat. (I remember as a kid trying to get a window seat on our car trips.) I'm guessing one of them complained to Jesus about the problem. "Andrew won't let me have the snack bag."

Jesus proposes a strategy for engaging the issue. First talk to the person directly! If that doesn't make you feel better, then bring another person with you to talk. If that isn't effective, try bringing it the whole community. Talk about it! Listen to each other!

These are not strategies I'm good at. Honestly my favorite response is to replay it over and over again in my head until I get myself more and more angry.

Jesus suggest talking to actual other people. He reminds us that we feel God's presence when there are two more of us gathered.
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The disciples respond to that with what I imagine are short, exasperated voices. Perhaps Peter is still mad that Thomas got the window seat again. "How many times do I have to do this-whole-long-process? Because holy moly, just let me have turn, okay?"

And Jesus says essentially, yes, do it however many times you must to maintain the health of the community.

Consider a word study of forgive in this text. The greek is translated here as "forgive" is aphiēmi. It is used in Matthew 12:31-2 to compare whether sins against people or against the holy spirit are forgiven. The forgiven paralytic, after being lowered through the roof top by four friends is aphiēmi. The word appears in the story of the servant forgiven a financial debt, and in Matthew's Lord's prayer.

The word also means leave when the devil leaves after testing Jesus, the disciples leave their boats, the fever leaves Peter's mother-in-law, the shepherd leaves behind ninety-nine sheep in search of the one. Even leave has a slightly different meeting when Jesus says to leave the children alone--don't bother them, he is saying, don't stop them from coming to me.

But aphiēmi also is translated permit, let, or allow. Jesus permits John to baptize him, the one who wants your coat should be allowed to have it, you should not be allowed to remove the speck from someone's eye while keeping the log in your own. Let the dead bury their own.
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Certainly when trying to forgive ourselves we use the language of
letting it go, leaving it behind. It is permission to move on. In
interpersonal relationships I think forgiveness often doesn't require
all the steps proposed here, for some things the best steop is to let them go. For the dishes in the sink, the window seat in the car, perhaps forgiveness is to leave behind my sense of righteousness, to let go of my need for a single solution, to allow this alternative way of doing things.

When it is an issue of justice, however, I think the steps in the process are important, as painful as I find them. Talking to the people involved and listening to the people involved can make a huge difference. If they can't hear what I'm saying, I should consider gathering a larger group to come with me.
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Perhaps if I heard the deciders reasons I would understand where they
are coming from and thus can be sympathetic (while continuing to
campaign for righteousness). My inclination is to try to and go directly to the whole community, but by doing the earlier steps I would help us to come to a relational resolution rather than starting a fight that will split the community.
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And this is where I stomp my feet and say, but Jesus, do I need to
keep doing this seventy-seven times? If I'm actually talking to Jesus
here, not swearing, then the answer is yes..

Does your church have a conflict resolution process? How is it working? Reply to this email to let me know what's happening. ​
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An article by Cynthia Woolever with good advice for dealing with church conflict.

Forgiveness by singer-songwriter Catie Curtis. (2:59)

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