Imperfect Allies | Overcome Your Fear of Mistakes
We will spend today exploring Skye. If my nephew had been a girl she would have been named Skye.
I was surprised to learn how important the Islands were to the early life in Scotland.
You can see pictures of our trip at my facebook page.
(I wrote this post before I left for vacation. Everyone on our tour is struggling to balance vacation and the idea that the US has bombed Iran. Ken is searching for BBC news. I have nothing to add except prayers. Read this from Diana Butler Bass.)
-Liz
Imperfect Allies
It was thrilling for our congregation to create a town-wide Rainbow Circle, in support of LGBTQIA+ rights. Hope bloomed among queer folk and their supporters in our small, rural, red town. It was such a joy to find we had a allies, and queer neighbors, all over town.
After stumbles, and searching for clarity, our first big task was making sure an ally was re-elected to our school committee. An anti-gay candidate was determined to take her seat. As we did the networking, promotions, and strategizing for the campaign our numbers surged. When we won it felt like we could do anything. We talked of creating a local Pride party, regular social gatherings and more.
Covid put a big damper on those visions, as did the venomous push back to our successes. There were attacks on many more public individuals in our group, and verbal sparring, and that escalated to very real threats of physical violence. We became afraid.
And in that context, we had some allies who made mistakes. Things were shared that shouldn't have been shared. In the anxiety and fear of the moment, we turned against each other.
In Galatians 5:15 Paul lectures the congregation: If, however, you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another. While that metaphor has always seemed a bit over the top, suddenly I found that we had a group that was consumed by this conflict.
Division is the primary tool of the powers-that-be. They fling their power this way and that not trying to make an argument, but rather trying to increase tension, create fear, and build on our frustration with our neighbors. Those in power to get ahead more easily if those of us without power are fighting each other. They love when we attack the very people who are trying to protect us. The demand for perfection hurts us all.
It certainly does hurt when an ally fails to stand up for what is right. It is dangerous to share something that should not be shared. It is harmful when an ally says they have our back, and then doesn't.
But the solution to that real harm and real hurt is not to slap back. We must learn the skills to call people "in" instead of calling them "out". We must care for our hurt, perhaps by pulling away, but once we have the strength, it is time to rebuild the relationship. We need each other.
To steal a facebook meme, Imperfect Allies are not the Enemy.
It is important work to recognize the enemy. Their intention is to harm us and the impact is harm. But even more than that, the enemy is those that have the power to make the harm institutional. To make our culture one of violence.
Allies are not enemies, they are friends. Sometimes they are good friends, sometimes they are meh. Frankly, all allies are imperfect. (All people are imperfect!) But allies are people whose intent is good. Often, their impact is good as well, but also, often they miss. In our Rainbow Circle an ally made a bad decision, and did not understand the hurt it caused.
As is typical in any group, we quickly divided into those defending one person, and those defending another. We built up walls between us as fast as we could. The attacks were soon being lobed in many directions. We devoured one another.
It almost consumed the group. Only time, patience, goodwill, and hours of effort helped us get back to the work of supporting queer folk in a red town.
Paul goes on to say (Galatians 5:22-23) that "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." If we can only keep these centered when something has gone wrong. These are much easier when we feel safe, much harder when the world feels dangerous. I am more gentle after a moment of reflection than I am when I'm angry.
And yet, I believe these are the tools for winning the larger battle. My ability to be patient, generous and kind with an imperfect ally is the way we find more allies, and change more minds. The time we take looking for love and joy and peace is well-spent when the powers-that-be are serving up violence and hatred.
Part of our work right now is to develop the fruits of the spirit, and to learn the skills to welcome allies, imperfect allies, into the work..
Who are your church's allies? Who are allies within your congregation? What are you doing to live with imperfection? Reply to this email to let me know what's happening.
An article on imperfect allies by the group Films for Action.
This article is for allies--how to let go of your fear that you will make mistakes?
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